Ancient Secret Site Map

Archives of a madman

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SITE MAP | HERE YOU ARE
b a c k   t o   t h e   n e w   s t u f f

BASTARDS CLUB | IT'S FUN!

Writings

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2003

october
a r n o l d  f o r   p r e z

d o w n t o w n

september
e b a y

august
s c o o t e r s   w e s t !

c r u e

july
t h a n k s   E d

i n   t h e   m i n d   o f   t h e   o c t u p u s

june
d r   l a u r a

may
h a c k e d !

april
c h e c k m a t e s

b a h

march
m e m o r y

new february
w e b   j u n k
c o o l   m o v i e
t h a n k s   f o r   y o u r   2   c e n t s

new january 
o n c e   m o r e   a r o u n d

2002

croc-december
g e t   a   j o b

p l a t t e r s

croc-vember
4 2 0   i s   f o r   t r o u b l e

croc-tober
s a m e   o l d   s o n g

b. c.    p i c s

shmeptember
b e   g o o d 

c a r e e r   o p p o r t u n i t i e s

h o w   t o   s u r v i v e   b e i n g   e a t e n
b y   a   l i o n

*Please note that I somehow lost the list of columns I wrote between january and august of 2002.  Oops.  If I can figure out what happened I'll post them, if not, oh well.

2001

dismember
b i r d   w a t c h i n g   g u i d e   f o r   s e n i o r s

h o w  t o   h a t e   e v e r y  t h i n g

nevember
t h e   w o r l d   s u c k s

spocktober
r a t   r a c e s

h o w  t o  g e t  f i r e d

craptember
n o   p a r k i n g

t h e  2's d a y   c h r o n i c l e s

Aw, Gus! 
s h o w   n o   m e r c y

h o w   t o  d i f f u s e  a   t i c k i n g  t i m e  b o m b

e l   n i n o?

r a z o r f i s h

 c u l t   o f   t h e   b a b y

Jolly Julie
 t a k i n  o u t   t h e   t r a s h

June
t o d a y   i s n ' t   s p e c i a l

i ' m   a l b e r t a n

a n g e r y

u p d a t e

MAYONAISSE
a   s a l u t e   t o   t h e   h u m o r i s t s

t h e   m u m m y

t h e   p o l i c e

t i n y   a n a r c h i s t s   m a k e    m e   s i c k

i m p r e s s i v e d?

April-io
m o s t l y   h a r m l e s s

a n d  m a y b e  i ' m  a  c h i n e s e  j e t  p i l o t

Morch
h a l o  h a l o  i t s  t h u r s d a y
3 6 0  d e g r e e s  o f  c h e e s e
b l u e   t h u n d e r
m o r e   p r e a c h y   b u l l s h i t?


Schmebruary 
d u d e,  w h e r e ' s  m y  o s c a r?
l o c k s   s u c k
w i c c a n
e g o    s h m e g o
h o w   t o   m a k e  a   s o l i d   g o l d   s t a t u e  o f
y o u r s e l f 
g a l a p a g o s


Cranbruary
f a h r v e g n u g e n
g o o d  o l d  d a y s
b e s t   o f   t h e   w e b
3 -  2 -  1    B R A S T   O F F
s h o p p i n g   a t  b e r n i e s


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2000 AD

Dismember
h e a d l i n e s
w i s h   l i s t
r a n d o m  w e b  c r a p
B e a r   A t t a c k
K r a z y   K o w s
m a s t h e a d
g u e s t  w r i t e r  g i r l   r e t u r n

November Rain
w i n t e r  m o v i e  r o d e o
w h a t t h e s h i t ?
 c o m p u t e r  s t o r e

Sock-toe-bore 
g u e s t   w r i t e r   g i r l  p a r t 2 
h e a d l i n e s
m u c h   s u c k s
 t h a n k s g i v i n'
 p. s.  i   l o v e  y o u
s c r e w n i v e r s i t y

Sep-tim-bor 
h a i k u 
s h o n d a  b o t
g u e s t  w r i t e r  g i r l
s p l e e n  v e n t i n g

August
 l a t e  n i g h t  t v
g r a t i n g  e x p e c t a t i o n s
m i n e s w e e p e r
u n d e r s t a n d i n g   w i t c h e s
s c i e n c e

July
m y  c a t  t h e  k a m i k a z e e
m a k i n  c h a n g e
f a l l i n g  a p a r t
b l a s t   o f f
a i r s a f e t y

June to be forgotten
b e i n g   b r i t i s h
n e a t  a n d  p e r f e c t l y  s a f e  p r o g r a m
d o n t s h a k e t h e b a b y e-c a r d
w a n d e r i n g
P l a t y p u s s y

May the schwarz be with you
O r i g i n s
D o l p h i n s
H e a d l i n e s
5  t h i n g s  t h a t  s u c k
S a n i t y ?

April Whining
T e c h   s u p p o r t
D e a t h   s e a r c h
M o n e y
B u i l d   y o u r   o w n   g u n
B l e e d   m e
W a l k m a n ' s   f l a m i n g o ' s   s o y l e n t   g r e e n

Lousy Smarch
M a z d a  o f  t h e  u n i v e r s e  
S p h e r e s?
R o l e   M o d e l
D i a r y   o f  a   m a d m a n  
A   P r o f e s s i o n a l   M o z a r t 
E a r l ' s   G a m e  
S t u d e n t   C o u n s e l
D y s e n t a r y

February Shmebruary
T h y m e  f o r  l i v i n 
L e t  a  f r o w n  b e  y o u r  u m b r e l l a 
T h e  Students  
N a s h  B r i t c h e s
 S l e e p  i t  o f f

January of the damned
T h e  t i n y  a r m  o f  t r u t h 
D i f f r e n t  S t r o k e s   
M r  N i c e g u y 
P a p e r  c h a s e 
R e l a t i v i t i n e s s 
f e e l i n g  n u t s ? 
R a g s

1999

December of the disappointed
m e r r y  j e s u s  d a y  
w h a t  d e f i n e s  m e 
N o t  a l l   g i r l s  l i k e  p i a n i s t s 
u n m a r k e t 
B a l l m a r t 
c e n t u r y  r o u n d  u p

November 1999
1 2  I n c h  P i a n i s t  
K i r b y ' s  L a m e n t  
S h a r k s  R  F u n 
F o x  
S o  l o n g 
K i d s  f o r  S a l e
D e a t h  t o  W e a s e l !
A  n e w  h o p e

October 1999
B a c k i n t h i s !  
V e r m i n  p t . 1
V e r m i n  p t . 2
S c r e w  Y e a r s  E v e  1 9 9 4  
B o t t l e
B r i d g e = B u r n 
G i v e  i t  t h e  B u s i n e s s
M a i l  
V o l c a n o  A w a r e n e s s  M o n t h
G u e s t  W r i t e r !   H o l y  s h i t !

 

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And hear are some of the first writings ever 

Modern Living
GAP uber alles
Quizzicals and Testicles

7 signs
Sketchers
Telefomore
See the Future
Hear me rant

Anti-Social Acts For Lazy Jerks
S.S. Freedom
Trying is bad
Virtual Luge,
Time and Space
Y2K Prep Kit
Free OJ

Entertainment
Archin aroun
Purple teletubby
Dateless

Food and Cooking
Eat dead things
Tippin the Scales

 

The classic and incredibly good not so old stuff

The old stuff is a little less lousy than the garbage I wrote recently, read this and don't even bother will the new crap I just wrote, it all stinks anyway. Even this stuff sucks, go check out The Boy Meets World site on NBC.com, it must be better that this.

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Click me to see the Classics

 

Fun Site Map/Tree

This is a collapsible menu tree, it took me months to find somewhere to steal the code for this thing and it only works with I.E. but wowee wow is it neat. I am the walrus.


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