Dead rappers
make the best albums and videos.
It seems
that an artist’s worth seems to increase in value once he/she buys the farm.
This strikes me as odd as it seems that it doesn’t pay to be on the cutting
edge unless that cutting edge is a razor used to slit an artists throat. The
great masters all lived below the poverty line, yet now a painting of a fat
chick or a melting clock is worth something because the insane paint eaters
kicked the bucket. Now let me make this clear; I know nothing about art, and I
don’t care too. I am a philistine in the truest sense of the word. This
article isn’t about Picaso, this is about Tupac.
You see, no
one cared when Tupac was in the Digital Underground doing back up vocals in the
Humpty Dance. Nobody liked Biggie until Sting sang for cash about his untimely
demise in that Puff Daddy song. But these guys recognized the fact that that the
only way to get paid was to get dead. Both Tupac and Biggie have released
several albums since their demise and all of those albums did better than the
ones released pre death. All the videos get more girls in them shaking their
money makers, gonna stick it to the camera man. But I have an Idea that would
make 2-Pac and Biggies videos ten times better. Dig ‘em up.
You heard
me.
Dig those
sumbitches up, put sunglasses on them and have them do amusing leisure
activities ala Weekend at Bernies, and to a lesser extent - Weekend at Bernies
2. How sweet would that be? Biggie’s bloated, decomposing, bullet riddled
corpse strapped to a pair of water skis and trolled around the lake while
bitches in bikinis shake there ass to mo money mo problems. I can see it now.
Mase driving the boat. Puffy riding shotgun. Faith Evans on a Jet Ski and the
Notorius D.E.A.D. skipping behind and 40 mph. Or how about 2-Pac strapped to a
motorcycle in a perpetual wheelie while Kaliforia booms through the ghetto.
Sweet.
See, we can
learn a lot from Weekend at Bernies. Just as Artist+Death=Cash, Dead Guy
+sunglasses=funny. And if Bernie taught us anything it’s funny=cash. But if
that’s so why isn’t Jim Carrey rich.oh..never mind.