Christmas and Walmart, a match made in hell(Kentucky)
Are you ready to shop till you drop this spendmas season? Me too, but sooner or later that social pressure cooker that is Christmas shopping is gonna make you bored, or sad, or just plain squirrely. So here's a fun game to enjoy this holiday season. Go to Walmart.
Go up to the most stressed out old white woman in a blue Walmart smock and ask them where the "all negro plastic yard nativity scene" is.
Praise Black Jesus!
They always show Jesus as a pale beardy honkey, like as if god created him in Eric Claptons image.
Well Walmart isn't gonna stand for no black jesus.
This will immediately cause the woman to assume you are a troublemaker, and likely wish you death. But stick with it, ask for the manager, the store owner, Sam Walton even. Go to the top of the ladder, pick up one of the store page phones and scream into it, chase the Walmart associate(minumum wage spiritless drone) around on a Walmart mountain bike.
Grab a blue apron and start guiding customers into the pet section. Once they are all there start auctioning off the animals, and hinting at how a Christmas Puppy prepared well enough will easily pass for a turkey.
Once that's over, keep the apron on and find parents with little kids walking around and offer the parents to let you hire their kids for the clothes factory. Or try to buy the children for 100 bucks.
Open bags of potato chips and walk around offering them to people, then giggle suspiciously when they eat them.
Because Christmas isn't about shopping for cheap junk at Walmart. Its not about Pokemon, or Darth Maul, or equal benefits for same sex furby marriages.
According to my understanding, based mainly on Charlie Brown cartoons, Christmas is the time of year when all cultures get together to watch a dog dance on a piano.