Catharsis
A lot of people sincerely believe that a person can solve their problems by writing them out or otherwise venting them in some other naïve manner. This belief often leads individuals to use the statement “my writing acts as a form of catharsis; you can now insert whatever problem real or imagined that is currently afflicting you. These can vary from mild sexual dysfunction to severe genital itch. The idea is that by writing down your problems you will have a better idea of what they are and therefore how to solve them, usually too much sex for money and a urethra swab. All kinds of catharsis can be seen in pop culture in the last several decades. From Charlie Brown discussing his problems with Lucy for a nickel or Felicity incessantly talking into her tape recorder, the benefits can be seen all around us. Charlie Brown still can’t do anything after close to 50 years of his “therapy”, but Lucy is a wealthy woman. Felicity has a bad haircut and is probably the worst program on TV.
You may ask yourself why is this man attacking catharsis on one hand while he is clearly using it as an outlet for his rage? (You may also ask yourself why such a big suit? Can this suit be taken in a little?). Well, I’m not using it as an outlet, but I am here to provide a much better example of how to deal with one’s problems. The modern, polite world has turned its back on the best possible form of dealing with one’s problems – blind, impulsive revenge.
A much better release for Charlie Brown would be to douse the psychiatric help booth and its owner in gas and let the motherfucker burn. The immense release would be immeasurable and immediate, at the very least Lucy would never be able to get any more of ol’ pumpkin head’s hard earned nickels. As for Felicity, the best use for her tape recorder would be not to record her innermost thoughts, fears, and desires but to use it simply as a weapon of brute force. How you ask? She already knows who the individuals are who are destroying her “so called life”, she simply needs to learn how to become justice and vengeance. A simple, if not immature method would be to use the tape recorder itself. Anyone who has ever been forced to sit through performances of such comedic geniuses such as Laurel and Hardy or Gallagher, knows that the most mundane everyday objects make the most effective and humorous weapons. All Felicity has to do is corner her enemies and coerce them into talking into the recorder. Everyone on the planet cannot resist the sound of hearing the sound of their own voice, and the fact that it is going to be recorded for all of history will only add to their willingness to be part of their own demise. All Phallassity has to do is mash the person in the teeth with the recorder. The sight of seeing someone who has wronged you spitting out their chickets will give even the most jaded new age soul a warm feeling in their heart.
So instead of wasting valuable time, money, paper, or magnetic tape in search of catharsis, take a DIY approach, and become your own judge, jury, and most importantly, executioner. You will thank me for it later, or at least get more enjoyment out of watching it happen on the T.V.