We all know the world is going to die on Jan 1 2000, but what if? What if it doesn't? Then we'll be stuck waiting for that pesky sun to explode or a comet to come along and smite us. Don't be so sure armageddon fans, there's still a little hope. Y2K may not get us, but its only a matter of time before something incurs the wrath of Ragnarronk.
The signs that the end is near are all around, you just have to look for them.
First off, the return of Soul music and the continued existence of R&B. Mankind was never meant to live through Motown twice. R&B is the musical equivalent of painting a lawn chair, so boring and routine when its all over you wish you threw the fucking thing out and sat on the ground. Lauryn Hill, all that crap, its pointless, its so fucking repetitive, it sucks.
Another sign of the end, the unholy alliance of Britney Spears and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. This was forecast in revelations, "and the child who did gather in a club with Mickey of Mouse shall join with the woman who hath a cat that talketh, and blood shall rain, and it will be as if all hath joineth in clubs with mice and hath cats that talketh! and lo, for their vengeance against the interesting and intelligent shall be swift and clumsy as the drum machine of death."
But the worst of all, if this doesn't kill us all, nothing will, is talk shows. They all totally suck.
Now some might argue that although almost all suck, there is an exception, the tom green show. But the tom green show sucks too! Its only that it is in a category that is so bad that it seems okay, but actually it just doesn't suck next to other talk shows, but it still sucks. All the rest of them stinks! From makeover expert Maury Povitch to makeover expert Jenny Jones, all crap. Why do people watch talk shows, to see who they are better than. That's no reason, just go to mall for a while, its same thing pretty much, just less shouting. At least at the mall there's a slight chance you might wind up involved in something, like a fistfight or a shoplifting charge. Talk shows just make you fat and worse than the people with so little dignity they are willing to let losers like the viewers share in their disgusting little secrets. Dirty little secrets are supposed to be kept secret, that's the point. Quit telling everyone about your life, show a little shame for christ's shake.
The worst talk shows are the political talk shows. That makes them the worst of the worst. And the worst of those is the political talk show hosted by the former comedians guest starring hollywood stars. What qualifies these people as political pundits? Who cares what these people think?
They are just idiots who fluked their way into famousity and now people turn to them for political wisdom, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
And these political comic guys are insane and stupid. You couldn't pick a worse moderator if you asked an Italian to referee a teenage school girls soccer game. Not only are they a little too into the players, but they think they know everything about it.
Dennis Miller and Bill Maher have no credentials, they just mix lengthy diatribe with easy to remember taglines and the fans lick it up like it was their fingers after that last bag of Dorito's. Those 2 guys are fascists. Just listen to them and you'll see. Under the guise of humor they spout anti-libertarian dogma faster than Robert Downey Jr gets back on the crack. Following it up with a punchline makes it somehow easy to swallow, but the meaning is pure evil. You know who else could work a room like nobody's business. Hitler.
These talk shows are just a new form of that wacky old Nuremburg show. Before we all die, crazy Dennis Miller will be standing at a podium in the center of a collosal ampitheatre. 100,000 movie star zombies will be stabbing the air with the balls of their hands while their tightly uniformed obese children parade in ruler drawn lines across the the colliseum floor. Torchlight flashes off the gilded edges of their 15 foot tall standards, bearing a polished iron lightning bolt across the logo for A&E's an evening at the improv. And as Miller's wild gestures to Wagner's Die Nieblungen climax, hails of "California Uber Alles" explode through the air and crescendo in wave after wave of repetition.
I'm not saying they're racists, I think most people are at least smart enough that they wouldn't put up with them if they were. But they are fascists. The comedians are after us, and they will kill anyone who doesn't agree with them. Well forget it, I'm gonna watch Quincy. And if I feel a little political, maybe I'll watch Columbo.