In your life you might have seen amusing personal stationary with something on the top like - from the desk of yadayada. It is very amusing.
From the desk of Wesley Watkins.
As I write this I am infected with a virus, commonly known as the common cold, uncommonly known as the rhinovirus. I like the name rhinovirus because it compares either the parasite or the host to a rhino. Probably the parasite, but whatever. Right now the little rna or dna, whichever it is I forget, is sneaking through the cell walls of my lungs, throat, nose and probably brain. It hijacks the metabolic process of the cell and makes the cell into a virus copy machine, replicating like crazy until the cell tears like a novelty glow in the dark condom, spilling so many more viruses into my boozestream to find and infect the 2 remaining healthy cells.
I love the entire idea of viruses, they are so fucking cool. Tiny little revolutionaries, anarchists, subverting the healthy(hypothetically) establishment, taking over and running amuck.
I also like technology. There is a lot of technology around and its so complicated it seems like its magick, but its all basically like lego, or dupli. Underneath it is pretty simple. You can do a lot of fun stuff with a computer, windows 98, and a connection to the internet. You can do a lot of very bad stuff too.
I was trying to teach myself vbscript so I could automate some shit on my computer and I suddenly got this idea. I decided to have a look at the code of a computer virus. Viruses comes in my email once a month with hilarious and totally non suspicious subject: snow white and the seven dwarfs - the real story. The message is twice as stupid, click here blahblah.exe. In case you don't know, anything ending in .exe or .vbs, or ~vbs is a virus, 100% of the time.
So anyway I opened one of the vbscript viruses with notepad.
Notepad you say .. What the fuck is notepad? Well, if you got to start menu>>programs>>accessories you'll see it. Its a text editor about as high tech as the Amish Institute Of Buggy And Barn Technology/Amish Human Genome Project. The internet, or world wide web was made with notepad in the olden days before such amazing web site building html editor softwarez like frontpage, dreamweaver or all that all other crap.
If you want to program CGI scripts in perl which I do to make the amazing technological side of dontshakethebaby.com, you have to use notepad. Notepad is also handy for various other functions, none of which are interesting.
You may not know this, but a lot of havoc can be wreaked with good old notepad. If you happen to like scripting viruses it can be your best friend.
So I started reading the code for this virus and included in the comments was something about protesting acts of violence in Colombia. How exactly luring unwary internet users with the seemingly innoccuos promise of snow white giving a blow job to a dwarf will prevent violence in Colombia escapes me, but Viva la revolution!
The code is awesome in its design, it basically fucks over every essential part of your operating system in a nice sequence of instructions all of which takes about 1 second. Once your computer is done it then mails itself to everyone in your address book. And finally, just for laughs it then disconnects you from your network just to be a pain in the ass. Awesome. Ingenious.
I don't support the creation or use of computer viruses, it is pathetic and inexcusable. The guy who wrote it is nothing but an anti social moron with one skill. I just am impressed with the skill. If you get a computer virus I feel bad for you since dealing with them totally sucks. That being said, I am also an antisocial moron with one skill, but I'd rather go out and have fun with real humans than mess up random strangers computers for no reason.
I think viruses are neat, I like seeing how they work. I don't think that they are good since they wreck innocent peoples computers, or cauliflower your internal organs or external (dangling) organs or skin, but they are cool.
I guess what I like about them is the ingenuity. Although they are inanimate they take advantage of some amazing knowledge of how the cell functions to elegantly exploit it. Little automated revolutionaries. Nature and science combine to intelligently destroy. Fantastic.