Headlines
New study reveals 2000% yearly increase in new studies quoted on local news programs
Colorful Cyborg Runs for Mayor and Wins Low voter turn out expected to usher in new era of terror for puny human scum
College Radio DJ Admits its just a Waste of Time
Teenagers May be Using Drugs at Rave Parties If by may you mean using ecstasy and parties you mean everywhere in the universe
Public School Graduates Dumber Than Ever Scientists suspect schools need more asbestos
Cigarettes Cause Fatal Diseases Tobacco companies point out that death may be welcome relief from popular culture
Genetically Engineered Tomato Defeats Grand Master at Chess in 12 Moves Genetically engineered celery comments to the press that it was a fluke that could never happen twice