As the well balanced self actualized individual that I have become as a young man, I feel it is my duty to now share with you what I've learned. I call them Life lessons. This introduction is both short and annoying so I'm going to end it here.
1. It is true in 100% of cases that a man with a beard has a story to tell.
2. All police are always looking for a reason to shoot you, do not provide one unless you are O.D.B. and wearing a vest (the bulletproof kind).
3. Wearing clothes is far more important than washing them, that is what they were made for. This is true both metaphorically and laundrophorically.
4. Never pick a fight that you would be embarrassed running away from.
5. Words can be weapons, but so can golf clubs, so think ahead.
6. Never admit you're wrong or apologize for anything. Sorry is the word of a loser.
7. Nothing is ever solved by hard work, and nothing worth doing should take more than ten minutes.
8. A good idea is a good idea, so if you have one, do it, or copy someone else.
9. Girls with little tattoos on their body somewhere sexy have probably slept with a lot of guys, ergo, don't imagine you're their first.
10. Not everyone respects the capitalist notion of ownership of property, usually they are your roommate or girlfriend. The best way to handle this is to borrow their stuff first, then when they borrow it back, it was already theirs!
11. The longest hour is the hour before dawn, or the hour spent in police custody while they sort out what you were doing naked with a camera in a young woman's backyard.
12. A trampoline can be a tool, a toy, or a lawsuit depending on whose on it.
13. A proper satanic ritual to raise the anti-christ includes at least two of the following, red wine, sushi, and Volkwagens.
14. The most dangerous sound in the world is the millisecond of silence before you get a funny idea while drinking tequila.
15. If you and your girl ever go skinny dipping in a secluded lake, a precautious gang of kids will probably steal your clothes. This I learned from movies, and once from experience.
Thats all bastards! See ya next time.