Curse the sallow eyed cloven hoofed corporate swine that took away my midgets!!!
Until Austin Powers Goo came out, the funniest thing in the world to me was midgets. I remember back in the old days three years ago, I worked as a lawn mower man at an apartment complex. In one of the ground floor apartments lived a midget and his wife, she was a largesse woman, a little on the down syndrome side. She was a little droopy and verbally noisy, but seemed nice.
The little guy had a nice beard (as all midgets do), and used to sit on his patio whenever I rode by on the lawn mower (which I totally destroyed by accident later that summer). He used to smoke cigarettes, and from a distance you would get the strangest impression that a child wearing a beard and smoking was watching you.
With little regard for his own safety he would get very close to the lawn mower whenever I rode past his apartment. The lawn mower had a transmission problem, in that it went only one speed, very fast. It also had a steering problem, in that the wheels could only rotate about 10 degrees off normal. Which made the thing impossible to control under any conditions in which it was actually running. It weighed about 800 pounds, was armed with 3 whirling blades of death and had many dents from high speed meetings with walls, newspaper boxes, fire hydrants etc. I consider myself an expert at driving these things since I did it for years, but even I couldn't control the thing, and later that summer I drove it straight into a tree stump and split the mover in two.
The little guy loved watching me swoosh and scream around the lawn on this contraption, and even though it kinda scared me that he would get too close to me, I couldn't break his heart. So I would have to concentrate really hard on not grinding him up in the mower and be super cautious around his place, which normally I wouldn't do for anyone. I just thought he deserved it.
He was funny, not just visually, but in every way. He didn't fear a grisly grassy death, or the commitment commensurate with marriage, or feel inclined to get a job. Life for him was simple enough that watching a man cut grass qualified as entertainment in itself. This man was a tiny work of art, simplistic, daring, insightful, bearded.
But now thanks to crummy television and stupid movies midgets are exploited by hack writers and lousy comics who squeeze every last ounce of humor out of them.
Those that stole the humor and beauty of midgets. They seemed so funny to me once, but now they just piss me off. Not the midgets, but the jokes which are somehow supposed to be funny cause there's a midget involved. A midget is not in and of itself funny, they are human beings for christ sake! They are only funny when put into a humorous and well thought out position, like as airline pilots, commandoes, cowboys, etc. Any blatant and weak exploitation of the midget dynamic is morally and comically reprehensible. We must fight the formulaic crap that Hollywood tries to pander off on us.
How can we do this? I have no idea, but if complaining about will help, I'm on top of things. Let's get it on!