Show no mercy
If you are a chubby guy in your 20's who reads comic books and has a strange beard you might as well donate your penis and testes to science, since they is no way you're gonna need them. Luckily you don't really need them to read comic books.
Recently I saw a t-shirt that read - I support 2 teams, New Zealand and whoever's playing Australia -. This amazed me since I thought it was unique to the classic and highly creative Edmonton vs Calgary CFL football rivalry.
I can wait to see where this joke will be in the future. - I support 2 types of proton-soccer cyborg squadrons, the Terran Alliance and whoever's playing the Keyhole Nebula -. Now that sucks.
Show no mercy popped into my head as an amusing thing to title some writing, but I have no topic. I was gonna write about how AIDS and CANCER jokes are so funny, but that might be a little too edgy. I could tell a story, that sounds alright.
My friends are some of the coolest and biggest bastards on this earth. Why are they so cool? I have no idea, but they are a collection of the funniest and brightest wunderkind overlooked by the society. And so like me, or a giant shit trapped in a toilet, they spin too big too go down, but imprisoned in the flushing spiralling vortex. Someone call Richard Pryor, I now have officially made 3 more comedy shit analogies than him and I'm not even 30.
My friend brodie bruce and another guy invented this thing they call the shotgun tour, which is them going out to the bars and shotgunning beer cans in the alley to save money and live on the edge. If you don't know what shotgunning is, its when you punch a hole near the base of a beer can with a sharp object like a car key or switchblade, and then open the can and guzzle.
One of the funnier aspects of the shotgun tour is that they usually wind up throwing up in the alleys. Unfortunately I find throwing up as equally not good as christian punk rock so I stay out of the shotgun tours. But I did do it once and it was pretty funny since there was 10 of us and we were all wearing our drinking suits, we spread out and randomly all over the alley to maximize cop exposure and punch, fizz, success!
About 4 years ago me and about 20 other people I know met up at this girls apartment downtown and we all walked to a club. I had no money so I bought a 6 pack of old stock tallboys and drank 2 on the way. When we got there I knew it would be impossible to sneak all 4 into the bar so I hid them in a cardboard box I found in the alley behind the bar. I went out every half hour with some random friend or other to drink one. I drank them one by one, and on trip #4 I reached into the box to pull out my last beer and noticed the box was full of mannequin heads.
Holy fuck! Within 2 seconds the alley was full of 20 of us and a blizzard of mannequin heads. We threw them at each other, at the roof, at the girls(who weren't impressed), it was a madhouse.
2 types of people drink in alleys, bums, and me and my friends. Turns out the bums are geniuses. I couldn't think of a better idea if you gave me 1000 years.
Well I gots knock off on my wheels, but dontshakethebaby be gettin' back at you with all them marbles.
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http://www.eslweb.net/slang1.htm