Rags
There are too many magazines.
I was in a bookstore killing time and I went to the magazine area. I discovered something that day that rocked my world. I scanned along the titles looking for something fun to read like "Thrasher", which can be moderately amusing in really small doses. My eyes passed over glossy, brightly colored covers with engaging fonts and clever designs, all of which should have read, "wipe your ass with this".
There is a magazine for every useless hobby, painful obsession, boring celebrity and agonizing tv show. Its disturbing. I finally settled on a gun magazine, I think it was actually called "Guns". On the cover there is a picture of a pretty gun and some bullets. The only thing scarier than the front cover of a gun magazine is the inside back cover, which is a catalog and number where you can mail order a bayonet and infrared sniper scope. Mail ordering weapons is an important step in giving those reclusive well armed psychopaths the anonymity they need. Let me tell you something, if you ever come to the conclusion in life you need a tactical kevlar vest, night vision and seventeen different knives, you're fucking crazy. Just that simple, you=insane.
Moving on, over 70% of the magazines were geared towards women, the obvious ones being the bridal magazines and parenting (parenting is a woman's job). Those ones I find funny, they're lame, but funny, they're basically the insane woman's version of a gun magazine, total fantasy world, absolutely idiotic, but whatever.
Then comes the fashion magazines. If there is one thing I hate, it is women's and men's fashion and lifestyle. No one, I repeat, no one, should ever read Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, GQ or Maxim. If you do, you are a moron. Women who read Cosmo are idiots, men who read GQ are retarded. The only thing you can learn from these magazines is what the enemy looks and thinks like.
They espouse an orthodoxy of sameness in thought, action and image. They endorse a lifestyle of self obsession, greed, insecurity and cruelty. These magazines are written by idiots and read by idiots. Believe it or not, we are not all the same, we do not all need to act, think and dress the same. Slick packaging be damned, underneath the funny articles is the message "be like this". I like funny stuff, I like entertainment and I like nice things too. I'm as materialistic as the next guy. But I'm not too interested in a Bang and Oluffsen stereo or Sony Vega unless I pull it out of a shattered storefront during a riot. I don't wear cologne, I couldn't give a shit about what's new in formal wear and I don't want to know a new way to do a push up. And women's magazines are brainless and appallingly incorrect. They feature useful articles like 25 ways to make your lover orgasm, I can distill those 25 tips into 3 supertips, 1. Start having sex with him 2. Continue having sex with him 3. repeat steps 1 and 2.
I know women just read Cosmo and I'm sure don't take it too seriously, just like men and GQ, but you have to see how by just reading it, it continues to exist, and annoy me.
Probably the best example of mind control is the newest market of magazines, which all start with the conspicuous abbreviation "teen". Anyone familiar with the internet knows that "teen" is actually a keyword that means "pictures of women pissing". There are a 1000 new teen titles in the magazine shop, the staples like Tiger Beat are crowded out by Teen Style, Teen Look, Teen Celeb and so on. What I find strange is that most teenagers today are totally illiterate and can't read the numbers on the Burger King cash register they stand in front of 500 hours a week. Why would a group of illiterates buy magazines they can't even read. How could these magazines be useful? It so happens they're useful, because there's no writing in them! Its just big colorful photos, giant images of hairstyles and blink 182, and symbols that mean words.
Its a new form of hieroglyphics, a picture of a dollar means it costs money, a picture of a heart means you love it, a musical note means its cool. No need for words, they slow down communication.
On this topic, I use big words sometimes, do I do it to show off? Nope. I do it cause they are better. Big words are better, I discovered this when I worked with racists and rapists who thought big words were just me trying to act superior. Sorry morons, its just a better word, though your clever use of "paki" really impressed me. The saddest part about these guys was how much they sucked up to the boss, they were just hopeless. I'm way off topic here.
The fact is, reading made a little comeback when the internet offered us a free resource for jpegs of amputee women fucking goats and vidcaps from faces of death movies. But don't get too comfortable with those words and books.
Cause the future is in the magazines. They're all 250 pages thick, and 225 pages are ads. Most advertisers know not to bother with writing, so they just glue images together. Reading will eventually fall by the wayside, we'll abandon books, and eventually we'll abandon words, we'll just gesture and grunt at each other. Cool. I hate everyone anyway, this way will be more fun.
As long as they stop printing fucking Cosmo I'll be the happiest savage in the land.