Role Model
All the great heroes are frauds. Superman was an alien from a galaxy with a red sun, Spiderman fluked out getting bitten by a radioactive spider and Batman was a rich secluded pederast who beat up crooks with gadgets that would make the editors of Maxim swoon with envy.
None of them were even real anyway. Its sad that the only people I've ever had to look up to were Captain Kirk, GI Joe, Optimus Prime and the occasional Jedi. There aren't any worthy role models.
When I was 15 I looked up to movie stars, rock stars and professional skateboarders. They were my role models, but that's over. There isn't anyone worthy of me looking up to, and there never was. That isn't arrogance, its the truth, I don't have a role model and never will, there just isn't anyone around who looks like they've got it together enough to copy. Success, failure, big deal, its all shit anyway.
Role models are useless, especially because since we're all lazy idiots immersed in media, the people we choose to emulate are usually celebrities. Its hilarious when you see it taken to an extreme, like white guy's trying to be black talking in jive using words like "bangin". The funniest thing in the world to me is a pontiac grand am with 4 skinny white kids rollin down the street pounding DMX. There's a role model, a midget who rhymes about shooting guys in the eye at parties, hey DMX, you suck! Ruffriders! you suck!
Or maybe you can find a religious role model, Ghandi, Jesus, St Thomas Aquinas, Al Sharpton. But what if they worship the wrong God? What if God is actually Chinese? What is God is an Ape? Then all that time you spent sucking up to the wrong almighty has gone to waste.
Perhaps a social role model, like the mayor or prime minister or president would suit you. But wait, unless you were born into the magical 1 zillionth of the population with the right connections the closest you'll ever get to the president is sucking his dick.
Maybe you would choose an unknown hero, but someone with great personal strength. A local fireman or newscaster that brims with integrity and charisma. Maybe try to be just like your Dad or his friends or peers. Ignore all points of view and life experiences shunned by them and spend every day in a effort to be their living duplicate.
It seems to be imperative to people to simplify everything. Instead of making a choice I can ask myself, what would Ben Affleck do in a case like this? Presto, easy decisions, simple life. The drawback of this aspect of the human condition is that the world is now full of sopwitted who copy and judge and rebel and copy. Everyone is the same, it drives me crazy! Why are we such sheep? Who programs us to love this and hate that? Why do those men shave my white wooly fur off every summer?
Why do I care? Because I want to be adored, I want fame and money and the gratificatio-dementia of every disgusting perversion my filthy mind can wring out of it. But I want even more than that. I want the social world to flip like a pancake, and suddenly everyone is unique, interesting, self assured and holding pies they baked for me to eat. A perfect world where no one gives a shit what anyone else is doing, and everyone is doing something cool. No one would just follow the herd because there would be no herd, just free range morons.
So what do you do in a world with no one to look up to? You make yourself your own role model. Maybe I'm an idiot, maybe I'm the last person who should hand out advice, maybe Tom Cruise is a scientologist. Following in another's footsteps is a recipe for boredom. What do they know, they just got lucky anyway. Its pointless to idolize anyone, they are probably sad, weird, scared little whiners just like you (but not me).
Make me your new role model and join my army of undead abominations in 1 piece moto-cross stunt suits. To join my army you must die and rise from the grave 3 nights later. If you fail to rise from the grave, we'll dig your corpse out and use it for humor purposes. Mainly stuffing its chest full of firecrackers and tossing it out of a flatbed truck into a girl-scout jamboree. I shall rule this world!!! Me and and Rand Mcnally.