I ran across this little piece of writing I dun a few days/weeks/months ago and it amused me. It is in the style of a description of my day, recounting totally inane events you couldn't give a shit about. If dontshakethebaby is nothing more than my dairy I'm really wasting all your time.
But before I bore you with the cleverly titled Tuesday Chronicles let me tell what happened to me today, friday sept 14, 2001.
I went to TacoTime for breakfast at 1:00 pm. I ran into a guy who I'm making a web site for and whenever I meet, I magically always look like I got hit by a bus full of whiskey that after hitting me, covered me, then I got drunk, then fell asleep in those clothes, then rode that same bus which dropped me off in the middle of the desert and I just walked back from it.
Then I went to the wine making shoppe to buy corks. Why? Because in my bathtub shower, the thing that makes the water come out of the shower instead of the faucet broke. So I got the idea to cork the faucet hydrogrogically forcing the water out through the shower. I am now working on the cork mark 3 prototype, the first 2 didn't work.
I went to buy the corks and whenever I buy anything its fun, and buying only 2 large corks costing a whopping $1.80 also amused everyone at the wine making boutique. This chick says, "hey, don't break your wallet."
I replied "I like to live life large". I assume they assumed I was buying the corks to shove into my own or someone's ass.
Moving on, here's what I wrote that other time.
The Tuesday Chronicles
It's 10:30 in the AM right now, which is fucking amazing because according to tradition, scientifics and statistics I should be sleeping right now. I am never awake this early, ever. Why, because I have carefully crafted an existence where I can survive without ever getting out of bed before noon, almost.
2 gallons of Coke are working their way through my ulcerated stomach walls and slooshing to my heart, brain, and bladder as I write this, the tuesday morning chronicles.
I woke up at 8:40 a little too late to be on time to a meeting at 9:00. I got there at 9:10. The meeting was with the GM of a concrete and construction concern, for whom I would provide some techno-media-wizzbang-zapparoo. I was late, but when I arrived I didn't even need to unleash the typhoon of misdirection and mumbo jumbo I normally rain down on potential customers. The deal took 10 minutes, I was depanted and sent away deal in hand in short order.
To celebrate the outcome my lukewarm negotiating techniques I stopped at MacDonalds for a big breakfast. I'm not sure why but it is not easy to order any item of the breakfast offerings without ham on it. I assembled some order concept for the girl at the register, which though her for a loop since I asked her to hold the ham (get it, hold the ham). I thought she was Australian at first since she talked kind of weird, but it turned out she was a 16 year old who talked like a baby.
"You want hash bwouns?"
"Yes please."
My stomach hurts, mostly because the seagull eggs and hash bwouns from MacDonalds are being poorly metabolized by my half human half talking goat physiology. But other than that I can't say that things are looking up for me. On all fronts things are looking rosy. I gots a job, money, a social life, I'm growing a beard.
So why aren't I smack my head against the wall happy? I don't know. What's my problem?
Me. I'm so perverse I can't let myself enjoy any victory. There's always something better, I'm never satisfied with anything. I can't just enjoy things for 5 seconds without thinking, well, that sunset could use a little more red around the cloud base. I can find a flaw in anything.
So my search for absolute perfection continues. Good luck.