Death to Weasel!
There's a guy we all know, have met, or are, that is the worst sort of guy in the universe. I call him the weasel, because he is a sneaky little creepy bastard who you never see coming. Then a garbage can lid tips over and there he is, looking at you. Except that the garbage can is a metaphor for all the junk of life that piles up around you.
This guy is everywhere, but especially in my classes at the university. Whenever I'm late for class, without fail he'll make some little snip like "running a little late eh?", but not as a joke, just as a snide observation. Also, if I miss a class, the next class he says "long time no see eh?"
What the hell does this guy care if I'm late or play hooky. He cares because with those little remarks he shows he's keeping track, and under his words is the unsaid message "I wish to undermine you and speak derisively of your meager effort, and in conclusion, I openly mock you". That little bastard.
Well here's what you do when a weasel chitters at you, openly vow to reap a macabre revenge. Say, "that exam is gonna be so easy, I've been studying for a month, I'm gonna ace it." But the unsaid message is, "I am Isvlod Kermishkin! Weasel Hunter! I have set a great many traps so tread carefully or your skin will be the new jacket for my binder and the new liner to my blue nylon knapsack!"
Then there's the girl who would be sort of cute if she didn't always look like she was about to puke. I have found that in school, girls try harder to have something useful to say, while the guys just ramble about themselves for ten minutes. But not this girl. She is just like the guys, "ramble ramble ramble". Well that's great. I honestly can't figure people out.
The weasel guy also has a wacky habit I find amusing. When I use a public washroom, I wash my hands after and get the hell out of that nut barn. But the weasel always stands in front of the mirror for a few minutes perfecting his hair. If you're on a date I can understand that behaviour. But in a university class, who are you trying to impress? The girl wearing sweatpants and a ton of make-up, for that casuall/high maintenance juxtaposition look that is so popular these days.
Beware of guys who use the term "tail" to describe women. These guys probably would use the term "tail" to describe young men if it were more socially accepted. It just makes me think of some aging cigar puffing frat boy talking to his friends about the "piece of tail" he just got. I'll bet you a million dollars he had to beg for it. There are many far more acceptable terms to use in place of "piece of tail", jabbering-face, nag-machine, argument-bot, all these are suitable. Of course I'm only kidding.
The weasel uses words like "tail" because he's a weasel. He also uses words like "responsibility", and "you owe me 50 dollars", which are all in the same family of expressions life is too short to listen to.
What is the weasel's favorite food? your lunch. Who is the weasels favorite girl? the one you like. What does the weasel do when he gets home at night, I don't know. Maybe he tunnels a new den or something, I don't know where weasels actually live. Maybe they live in trees, no that doesn't make sense, well, maybe. Regardless, weasels suck!