Have you ever thought about what our holidays really mean?
It's crazy, Santa Claus, Pilgrims and Indians eating turkey, a rabbit that hides eggs?
Its totally absurd, it makes no sense, but like eager saucer eyed children we spend tons of money and days of time for these weird things.
I fucking love it!
Life is absurd, why should the holidays make sense. I wish they were weirder, like 1000 times as bizarre. I wish baby jesus led Santa's Sleigh with a glowing nose that fateful December eve. I wish Santa had six legs and x ray eyes.
I want Christmas to include 100 foot tall fire breathing baby jesuses. Flying cows dragging toy filled sleds, their cow heads glowing red and pulsating as they bash tacky plastic santa's off rooftops while they are splitting the night sky at supersonic speeds spraying eggnog out their udders which instantly turn into creamy snowflakes that sting the skin and peel the paint off houses and cars on contact.
Insanity! Chaos! Cranberry Sauce!
I feel sorry for the poor morons who don't get it, they think holidays are stupid and stressful and they just want to get them over with. Revel in the madness, enjoy it. Let the goofyness of it just sink in, hang some mistletoe from your belt and get pissed at your company christmas party.
I love crazy shit, and I love Christmas, its the one time of the year people give me things just because they love me. And I give people things just because I want to encourage them to continue giving me things. Well my beautiful friends, merry christ day, and lets raise hell in 2000!