If you had read this site much in the past you might be aware that there is a basement suite in the house that I live in, and last summer there were a couple of crystal meth addicts living down in that suite.
To whit, consequent of the inauspicious attentions of the local constabulary to the enterprises of said crystal meth addicts, forthwith from my landlord came a request for their permanent evacuation of the basement suite. The meth heads obliged the eviction notice, however not-so-graciously. They tried to stick me with the bills, which luckily were in their name, and also while moving out they stole all the lightbulbs. Is that comedy, or tragicomedy? Whatever you call it, its all the same level of hilarious to me.
My landlords don't like that basement suite to sit empty, so after the methheads were evicted it wasn't long before they found a new couple to move in. Before the new couple moved in and before I met them my landlord described them to me as "an excellent couple, really excellent." I wasn't sure what to make of that statement.
So they moved in, they are a young husband and wife, well groomed, good manners, non villainous, and quite young actually, both of them are under 25, they are pleasant, non threatening and whiter than original Crest. They seemed pretty nice. He is a business student at the local college and she works in a doctors office. Then I learned the wife was pregnant. That seemed strange. Why would a couple with a baby on the way move into a basement suite and not rush straight to the nearest planned parenthood?
I don't know. But I guess they are going to start this little family and they are trying to save money. But when you divide it between two people you don't save that much money living in a basement suite compared to an apartment. Why are they trying to save money so badly? And also, why does the guy always say 'dang' instead of 'fuck'?
One day I was getting laundry out of the machine when I got my answer. I was talking to the dude, who is super nice, and he throws this out there, he says, "Me and my wife are LDS"
I have heard of Latter Day Saints, and I know that means they are mormon's, and all of a sudden everything odd that they do came into a big boring focus. They are living in a basement suite to save money, because mormon's are amazing little savers. They are young, married and expecting a baby because mormons marry young and multiply like a 24 hour Kinko's.
Anyway, after that he says to me "I've been meaning to have a talk with you about religion."
I say, "I don't think that's such a good idea. I have my own beliefs", (I am god), "and also there's no way I would give up booze for any religion." That effectively halted the conversation in its tracks. It worked. Lucky break.
The subject hasn't come up since. I wonder if that is this consistent with the mormon way, or is it maybe something new the mormon's are trying. Not being too pushy. Well either way it ain't foolin me. I know what they're up to.
I think I prefer having mormon's to methhead's in the basement, but there are pro's and con's to both.
Here's a chart
|
Mormons |
Crackheads |
||
| Pros | Cons | Pros | Cons |
|
The lawn is always mowed by someone other than me They always pay the bills on time The weird friends that visit are probably not amateur criminals Very nice people. |
I feel bad listening to my stereo late at night I feel a weak but still existent obligation to put in effort to be good neighbor Very weird friends come by to visit Filled the garage with an insane amount of excess furniture and crap. |
The lawn is always mowed by someone other than me I could make an insane racket at 3 am and not worry. What are the crackheads gonna do? Call the cops? Excuse me while I laugh.
|
I have to hear a lot of strange noises late at night Sketchiest friends in the world come to visit Turned the garage into a hangout for their super sketchy friends One night 4 Cop cars drove up on my lawn and raided the flophouse drug hangout of my garage. This commotion almost woke me up. |
In my experience mormon's are usually really nice people. They are always upbeat, pleasant, easygoing, positive, just generally really nice. Being that good all the time is kind of suspicious. That must be an insane amount of work. How can you be happy and nice every single day? Just like everyone else, a mormon is going to have unpleasant encounters with idiots, lazy, careless, selfish people and also just have bad luck in their life. How can you always be nice?
And here's something I noticed specifically about the two in my basement, whenever I do hear noises coming from them down there, what I hear is them laughing. In fact laughing accounts for most of the noise that comes from their place, when they are alone or when they have their sort of weirdo guests over. It seems that they are almost always laughing. What I would like to know is, what is so god damned funny?
I don't know what they are always laughing about, but it probably is an inside joke that only they get. Probably goes something like: So King David and Moses are walking to see the Aramites and King David says ... etc, etc.
Anyway, they are nice people. Who cares why they are so nice, I might as well just enjoy the almost totally worthless benefits.