For a few years now I have kind of wanted to get a webcam. As you know I live on the laser fast razor sharp blade of the cutting edge and so I am always ripping through the frontiers of new technology.
What possessed me to want a webcam? Let me answer my own question with a story about people I know. I knew these 2 people who were in a relationship, who come to think of it are now married. At one time they had to live far apart during the year while the guy was in school, so they both got webcams. That way they could keep in touch more visually and to make sure neither one gained any weight.
I always thought that was a great idea. I don't happen to have anyone far away who loves me, except of course the Jesus O'Christ, but he lives all the way up there on the moon.
So I wanted a webcam, but I'm incredibly cheap. So I thought, why don't I check out Ebay? It seems like a good place to find a bargain or get ripped off.
The 2 times I have gone on ebay to bid for something I kind of imagined on the other end of the deal was a bunch of Jawa's standing around in a cave. And in the background a droid is trying to make a run for it while they're distracted by the incredible negotiations. I realize that probably isn't happening but it would be pretty great. Ebay is stocked like a flea market on the internet. Everything seems to me to to be some level of sketchy, probably because the stuff's origin is just a total mystery.
It could be that a Futureshop warehouse burnt up and these 7 webcams were all that survived the blaze, or maybe its being sold by Kim Jong Il, who knows?
I guess I don't super care where it comes from, I don't know exactly where my toothpaste or my blue jeans come from so what do I care about a webcam?
One thing about ebay is that there is a lot of new and unused stuff, but also a lot of old junk about as fresh as the jokes on The Beverly Hillbillies. You can buy laptops for $25 bucks, but they can't run windows 95. Just like a flea market there is a whole rainbow of crap, and mixed in is the odd useful thing.
Anyway, if you've never used ebay here's a few hot ebay facts.
The name Ebay actually stands for evil bay.
You can by the single Who's Johhny by El Debarge for 1 american dollar and then pay 13 american dollars to have it shipped to your house.
Someone once tried to auction their soul on ebay, but ebay cancelled the auction. This compelled the person to start soulbay, a place to auction your soul, which astonished everyone by exposing an incredibly low market value for a soul.
Ebay is an auction, which means you bid on such rare treasures against other cheapskates, shut-ins, people with photophobia, collector weirdo's and society's other losers. But unlike the auctions you saw on James Bond or Perfect Strangers, all the fun has been replaced with cold calculated numbers. Its just like the stock market. And also almost exactly like the stock market, you can get into a bidding war with someone where you may be forced to outbid his offer of $3.75 with the icy calm and cocksure confidence of man with the balls to go as high as $4.25.
So anyway the camera I bought is being shipped to my house via UPS. UPS has this thing where you can actually track the shipment of your parcel through the UPS web site. It's practically amazing, I can put the tracking code into a form on their website at any time during the parcel's shipment and the website will tell me -in transit-.
Actually it does give some sorts of specifics which were conspicuously unenlightening. You can get fascinating details, like when and where your parcel was picked up and scanned. I suppose if I was shipping something interesting like priceless art or movie posters from somewhere interesting like France via UPS the details would be more engrossing.
But I'm not.