At the end of the summer I went horseback riding with a friend of mine whose parents have horses. Since then I have been waiting for the pictures because I wanted to post them here. But the friend whose parents own the horses had moved to Toronto and once he returned to Canada's groin the chances of me getting copies of the pictures dropped lower than my opinion of the modeling industry after watching America's Next Top Model, and even less likely than me showing any restraint in using pop culture references to make this website appear hip and current.
So I went horseback riding, and not only that, I drove to the stables in my car, a toyota corolla. I can't think of a more caucasian afternoon. To complete the process all I need is to buy season one of House on dvd, and listen to Elvis as I drive to dinner at Chili's. Although I didn't wind up doing that, I still couldn't help but think about the way things change. At one time I would have considering horseback riding slightly bourgeoisie.
What's happened to me? Am I no longer anti-establishment, am I establishment? I don't know. I don't know whose side I'm on.
If you told me you were planning to start a company that produced an ultra safe family SUV that as it happened was designed to consume 500% more gas, most of which it used to power a high voltage defense shield surrounding it, and meanwhile the engine pumped out exhaust that dissolves solar panels, I would probably just shrug. Alternatively, if you told me you were planning to blow up a bank I would say "make sure that there's nobody inside first." Where's my consistency? Am I an anarchist, am I a conservative, I don't know.
I know one thing though, I know I couldn't sell out. Not that I am above it, but simply because I don't think a totally anonymous average what's-his-face like myself has anything to sell out. It's just not in my sphere. I could no better sell out than I could stay true. True to what? Beats me. So at least I got that to reassure me.
So anyway, lately I have been slowly sinking into the dry and humdrum culture of the adult caucasian. You see as a young caucasian you have the freedom to experiment with all sorts of interesting things. You are free to experiment with things like food from asian countries you might even visit as a tourist, which a few decades ago someone from your hometown visited riding in a tank. You can listen to african music and watch korean movies and eat french's mustard. But eventually everywhere cool you go you begin to look more and more like a white adult, which equals narc. You start to look like the guy who is going to water it down and ruin it for everyone. Eventually your presence at punk shows becomes an anthropological curiosity to the rock n roll kids, if you're lucky. Not that I don't enjoy independent music, but now I will only go to shows where at least one of the bands is somewhere along in the decline of beauty known as their twenties. Also, I am not prepared to be exposed to whichever artists are going to be the next big thing in young cool bands. I don't want to run the risk of learning the lyrics to any song I might later hear on the soundtrack to a teen comedy or slasher film and consequently ruin the novelty. Luckily I still have the option of wading deeper into the industrial, or metal, or house music genres where nobody is particularly young, attractive, or popular.
Anyway, bearing in mind all the bullshit I just wrote, I knew I had to find a new place for myself. I thought to myself, let's see what the typical things that whitey is into are all about anyway. I started by downloading some classical music, which I must aknowledge is still kind of a non conformist act because I was effectively stealing. I downloaded some Bach, and Bizet, and even some Lizst. And while I was sitting on my couch with a gel mask over my eyes listening to piano concertos I noticed that piano concertos sound a lot like christmas music, and they're actually super motherfucking boring. And that kind of took the edge off the theft because it was like stealing christmas carols, and I would pay money not to listen to christmas carols. Not that I don't like christmas, but carols sound the best when sung in spanish and those aren't easy to find.
But just because piano concertos aren't for me doesn't mean that growing up is going to be all bad. I just need to keep trying. I have to keep an open mind.
What else do adult white people like? Country music is awful of course, but what about that quirky indie music stuff, Sebadoh? ...No thanks. Lou Barlow? ... Um, I think I'll pass on that one. It turns out that shit is unlistenable. Unlistenable. How about something catchier like Weezer? ... umm ... pass.
Maybe something trendy? Maybe something they play during a montage on the O.C.? Nah. I might get diabetes. What's next? I guess maybe Nine Inch Nails? You know what, try as I might to like it, and I want to like it, honestly just because Trent Reznor is trying. Also, I want to believe he could keep his edge, but its just not good enough.
It looked like I was never going to find a new lifestyle identity to grow into, but sooner or later something does catch up to you, and usually when you aren't looking. I was listening to Coldplay and loving it when I realized what had happened. I had found the new me, and I'm English now! But not really. Just the music. Well I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop on this british invasion and it finally did, right on my brain stem.
Sure that sounds great, but I feel a bit phony. I mean I don't really like the English. Just kidding. I like the English. Or do I?
What's funny is that all this time while I'm trying to decide what kind of stuff I need to spend my abundant free time and money on, on the other side of the world someone is sewing together my next pair of shoes for 5 cents a day. And he may be thinking about what he would like to put on his ipod, except that he might not have one, or ten fingers to use it with.
Anyway, you may be wondering if this free association I'm doing is going to magically dovetail into some kind of actual point. It might. And if it did this would be it. Growing up is weird, and I don't know what it is going to turn me into. I think I'm scared that I'm going to turn into another cold, selfish, middle class douchebag ignoramus. I'm afraid I will actually start to like things like the O.C. I am afraid I'm going to get totally sucked into fashion, lifestyle and celebrity obsession, and clap while I watch the sparkly things. I'm afraid I'm going to start feeling like everything is okay, that this culture is going in a great direction and the world is doing fine.
Earlier when I said I can't sell out I wasn't being totally honest. Of course I can. And if all it takes is a toyota corolla and a coldplay cd to placate me, the jokes on me.