Right now I am sitting at my computer. But 15 minutes before I wrote the following sentence I was driving down a major road and saw a bikini carwash that bordered on the road. The carwash? has been set up in in the parking lot of a strip club called Diamonds. I think it also says Gentlemen's Club on the sign, I'm not sure if the word gentlemen's has the appropriate apostrophe before the s. But since I'm not sure if it even says Gentlemen's Club, I guess I shouldn't get so high and mighty. Bottom line, no fucking gentlemen in that club, just a bunch of garden variety Maxim reading dickheads who like to see naked women's bodies presented in a nearly merit less fashion. Basically guys like, um, well, me, except I don't read Maxim. As I drive by I can see the girls from the road, their cute semi perfect bodies hopping around the cars.
I consider stopping at the bikini car wash, but I decide not to. Once that decision is made I remember that 2 minutes ago I had just picked up drive thru Taco Bell, the food is sitting on the seat next to me and I am presently driving home to eat it. My burrito would get cold if I stopped at the bikini carwash anyway. This makes living with the decision a lot easier. I can always go tomorrow.
It's around 6 o'clock now and this hasn't been an easy day. Last night I got wasted, I wish I could say it was against my better judgment, but who am I kidding. Without trying not to make a habit out of not getting blitzed on weeknights, I haven't gotten that blitzed on a weeknight in a while. When my friend picked me up for work this morning I think I was still a little drunk. I probably should have called in sick. A friend of mine works downtown in a building one block away from mine, we work the same hours, so we drive to work together. Actually he picks me up, I never drive, though I have offered to.
Its not because we are environmentalists that we carpool or anything. Not that I am too cynical to care about the environment, but its not the reason we carpool. Its more like I put a fair amount of pressure on him to drive me to work so I don't have to pay for parking downtown, and he's a good guy so he does. Anyway, this morning when he picked me up I still felt drunk. I looked fantastic, but I felt like I had been left in the sun all day, like a raisin drying out in a millimeter deep puddle of rainwater, boat gas and the white stuff that comes out of cracked decaying batteries. During the car ride to work my conversation was, frankly, insane rambling. I remember a major point was that I suggested my friend start smoking.
My friend went to his office and I stopped for breakfast at this cheap diner downtown across the street from my building. I have breakfast there once or twice a week, and the woman who waitresses there has started conversating with me while I eat. This discourages me from eating there more often. When uneducated white people get comfortable, sometimes they start telling you their thoughts and begin them with the magic words those people. Those people are always another race, whichever one they have picked as a scapegoat. I find racism hilarious when I do it, and fucking ghastly when others do. It sort of reminds me that it also isn't that funny when I do it, even though I am only teasing my friends of whatever race it is they happen to be. And I think I have crossed the line with my chinese friends, about 100 times. But I'm getting sidetracked.
Anyway, I didn't want to talk to this woman. Sleep deprived and teetering on the edge of being pissed I tried to deflect her attempts at chit chat with one word answers and zero eye contact. Thankfully, she picked up on that and left me alone. Work was instantly fatiguing, sobering up took forever, and coffee did almost nothing. That morning I composed and sent the following email to a girl I know. The exact text of the email is below.
this guy i work with apparently downloads old 1940's radio shows as
mp3's and listens to them on his ipod. he made me a cd of them, upon my asking,
and i have been listening to them the last 2 weeks.
the important thing to remember is that they are radio shows from the 40's. in a part of a little story i listened to yesterday, the protagonist was
taking a ship to return to a south pacific island where he was stationed in ww2.
he had left behind a woman who he loved and so he was returning to the island.
anyway, as the boat is travelling to the island, to pass the time the guy buys a rifle from the captain and amuses himself ... shooting dolphins. lol.
i went out drinking last night, it was stellar. i didn't quite monitor
the time or how much i was drinking and you could say that i had kind of a
late night. it is about 11 am right now, and i ... am ... still ... drunk.
if you look closely you will see that i never use capital letters. too lazy. Anyway... by 1 o'clock I started to feel mostly myself again. I drank about 6 litres of water. In an average day I drink zero, I also spent a good hour in the bathroom. When I left work that afternoon I congratulated myself that once again I got away with it. For the 100th time I showed up for work a total wreck instead of calling in sick, and no one was the wiser to my irresponsible behaviour. I'm still not sure that it wasn't a mistake. The same applies twice over to skipping the bikini carwash.