Sometimes it pays to read the newspaper. As for me, I don't read it very often, and generally I am pretty out of touch with the world. I'd like to suggest that is for some good reason, but its actually because I am too lazy to consistently pay attention to anything. But, yesterday morning I was eating eggs at a little breakfast place downtown and I decided to flip through the paper to see what's going on in the rock and roll world. By that I mean the world, not just the rock and roll world, I was trying to sound cool. I am beginning to think I didn't pull it off.
There were 2 things that caught my attention, the first was an article about Britney Spear's husband Kevin Federline. Apparently he has a website, and here's the link to kevi-bears site. Now then, as it turns out KEVIN FEDERLINE IS RELEASING A HIP HOP ALBUM. When I read this I actually laughed out loud. Look out B- Rabbit, another record contract found its way into the hands of one of america's trailer park refugees.
I seriously can't wait to hear the album. Its gonna suck. And its gonna be hilarious. Apparently he is upset about the way the media has treated him and "his family"? I guess that "family" is the one that doesn't consist of the previous woman and kids that his life had accidentally included before he discovered secondhand stardom was his ultimate destiny. This makes me realize the sad truth that there are so many other white trash high school dropouts out there who were unlucky and married unfamous women that have no coattails they can ride. They will never get a chance to speak their minds and clear the air about their reputations via Hip Hop format.
Is anyone thinking that Kevin Federline isn't getting fair treatment by the press? Nope. Most people are thinking who the fuck is Kevin Federline? The only reason his face was ever in the press was because when he stood next to Britney Spears he never wore enough green or blue for them to easily photoshop him out of the pictures. Under any other circumstances the only contact he would have with pictures of famous people would be if he worked loading boxes at a photo lab where a reporter got pictures of famous people developed.
Since fame is apparently contagious and just like herpes it can be spread sexually, screwing Britney Spears has given him his shot at the big time. Quelle dommage. Well, I guess he's going to try and set the record straight about himself and I for one can't wait to hear it. Anyway, he's also the father of Britney's baby, which I believe they named Sean Preston something something, which is a nice white trash name. I guess she wanted to save the name Brayden, Jayden or Cayden for her next husbands kid.
I used to work with a guy named Preston and I'm pretty sure his mom and dad were cousins. He was pretty stupid and was the one person I have met who I would consider highly likely to wind up drinking his own piss to win a bet. I'm not sure where he is now, but if he hasn't been decapitated in a skidooing mishap or killed by crystal meth in one its 99 ways, he is probably presently standing on the top rung of a ladder in wet running shoes or racing a train with his pick up.
Anyway, that's all I have to say about that, and that may have been too much.
In international news, Evo Morales was elected president of Bolivia a few weeks ago in a hot election race I'm sure you were following. Anyway, being a Bolivian named Morales isn't really news, but this particular Bolivian used to be a coca farmer, and rumor has it he might legalize the production of coca in Bolivia. Coca happens to be what you make cocaine out of, and a national Bolivian marching powder industry is a bit of a concern to some law enforcement agencies you may have heard of. It would of course mean less costs for cocaine producers and these savings could flow all the way down the value chain to your local asian gangsters.
The icing on the cake, so to speak, is that Evo Morales is apparently friendly with Hugo Chavez, the leader of Venezuela and Fidel Castro. These guys aren't real close buddies with the U.S. and not super concerned with how the U.S. feels about things in the first place. In fact, Hugo Chavez apparently once called G.W. Bush an "asshole." Pretty funny.
This is probably bad news for the Bush Administration, and presumably for parents. But it is good news for the fashion industry and pawn shops. Its also gonna be good news for the sex life of bartenders, nightclub promoters, and less attractive musicians.
I am curious about what will happen next. If Bolivia actually makes their cocaine production a mainstream business what will happen? I guess as a national economy all of its foreign trade will take place on the black market, and I don't know what that will mean.
Cocaine is probably a scourge on humanity, but so is booze, so I guess I am saying, oh well, so what. But that cavalier attitude might underrate the severity of the problem a little. I guess it depends on whether I choose to believe the way the world was presented in the movie "Traffic".
In my own experience I have rarely seen an improvement in most peoples lives when they got on cocaine. I have however noticed a remarkable decline in their disposable income and conversational subject range. And I can only speculate that it has a negative impact on their credit rating. Not to mention they tend to become a little anti-social with people who aren't carrying anything. But I guess if you're going to get addicted to something, it might as well be drugs.
I suppose we will have to wait and see what becomes of this. But if I was a guy with money, I would invest in drug sniffing dog farms and probably also in speedboats with false bottoms, I have a funny feeling demand for those things is going to rise.