Today I applied for a passport. I've never had one, which if you can extrapolate means I've never left the Canado-Americonana region. That's right, never been to europe, asia, or even east of Saskatoon Saskatchewan. I never really gave a shit about the rest of the world, but that's because I had my own shit to deal with at home.
I never went too far from home, mostly out of disinterest. But the more I think about it, home is where my body rests, and that could be anywhere I drag it. I never felt like getting away from home because I haven't been comfortable in my own skin. But I am comfortable in my own skin, or at least getting there. I should really see where I can find places to tire me out and find new places rest my body.
Apparently to get a passport you need to apply for it and be deemed fit to become a burden to other nations. Some application forms are pretty fun. I like distilling my entire life down to a few names and government issued numbers. I was born, they gave me a birth certificate and a number. Here's canadian #25 million, he's got a number so we can prove he was born and not dropped from space or a member of some sort of dynastic immortal society involved in an eternal contest for primacy.
On the application there is a box for hair and eye color, I wanted to put in hair color auburn and eye color azure but I thought about it too late. Sometimes I enjoyed filling out application forms for jobs. One of my favorite parts was making up phony names for the vital functions I was responsible for at the previous unlucky organizations I happened to swindle into hiring me.
Customer service, employee supervision, routine maintenance of equipment. I did none of these things. I should have put temper tantrums, sleeping in the bathroom and morale destructor. But that won't get me the job. The best thing is when I applied for a job at a Taco Time in a food court and on the application they had a section for future goals. I wrote "to gain new experiences and broaden my horizons to one day conquer the earth" I didn't get the job. What the fuck does Taco Time care about my future goals? Other than saying "to die heroically in a van loaded with explosives parked under Taco Time headquarters" no other answer is really significant. I guess the specific answer doesn't matter, its just to prove your a stable individual.
I am reminded of a funny thing I saw once when I was down at the City Department of Permits to get a parking permit. I was the only person waiting in the line, so I guess I was the line, and the guy ahead of me was at the desk trying to get a cat license.
The guy wanted a cat license and the bureaucrat wanted to know the cat's name. The guy wouldn't tell her and he was getting increasing agitated. She kept saying he couldn't have a license without giving them the cat's name, his counterpoint was that the cat's name has nothing to do with the license and they should just give it to him. The bureaucrat then gave me a frustrated look, I assume to make me her ally, which I failed to respond to.
In retrospect I am uncertain why they insist on knowing the cat's name? It's a cat. It's not like the name is a useful piece of information. Color, sex, number of legs, those things are useful. He should have just said the cat's name was Major Bludd and left it at that, but I guess he never thought of making up a name. More likely making up a name would defeat the purpose since it was the principle of having to give the name that bothered him. I suppose no one told him you can't beat the system, even the cat system.
I'm a little upset with the system myself. But it's not just the system that bugs me. Its something a lot deeper. Its the fact that sometimes I feel I'm all alone in trying to do the right thing.
Some people think I'm cynical, which isn't actually true. I admit that some of the shit I say sounds pretty cynical, but that's only on the surface. I know I'm angry, but I'm angered by the harm I see people inflict on each other and on me. The reason I'm so critical is that I actually believe that me and everyone else can do better. That's optimism.
True cynicism is reflected in your actions. Cynical people are selfish and cruel. Their reasons are always the same, they don't actually think about how their actions affect others because they are too self absorbed. Of course some people are worse. There are people who are aware of how their actions hurt others but don't care. For whatever reason some people have established a moral relativism that lets them justify anything because of their distorted perception that their own needs are more important. Once that relativism gets hold of you, it seems stupid to make any tiny effort to help or protect someone else since it doesn't benefit you at all. Then you think it is okay to use people. That kind of thinking makes you into human garbage.
We're all witness to the damage people do to each other. I always attributed people being cruel to each other to them being impulsive, frustrated or hopeless. But the underlying reason is that they see the world as a jungle, and they have to do whatever it takes to survive. They say "nice guys finish last", and then they stomp on your neck. That idea is a disease.
I feel sorry for people who feel that way. If you believe the world is dog eat dog and every man for himself than that means you believe that you will always be alone. That isn't even a life, its surviving like a cancer. In my world I may get hurt now and then, but everyone is my friend.
The world isn't a jungle. We're all in this together. If it was actually a jungle we'd already all be dead. Look around and you'll see our species collectively trying to make this world safer and make our lives longer, more fun, and less terrifying. We pretty much have to take care of each other to accomplish this. I know that to most of us how to be a good person is obvious. I know I seem to be repeating myself about this, but the fact is that sometimes it seems that the fucking world won't listen.
I never lie, I never cheat, I never steal. If I think that what I'm about to do might cause someone to suffer, I stop, even if it hurts. I believe in this world, I believe in myself and I believe in you. Inside most of us is the potential for a decent human being. They are easily misdirected by hard knocks and deflected by the shortcuts they thought they had to take to survive, but they're in there.
This doesn't mean you have to get a cat license though, because those things are stupid.
As an added treat, I've been back at writing haiku, I call this one
Tall but flexible
Orange trees grow tall
My heart grows strong and crap proof
but makes no oranges
That's all for today. Now be good to each other you crazy kids.