So unless you've spent the last 10 months in a coma or died recently, you just might be aware it is nearing the end of the year 2010 of the years of the lord. Well not my lord exactly, my lord is a bit different and is spelled differently. Its a Lourd, which is a part of french clam chowder. Anyway I digress. So its still 2010, and check this out, I started this website out over a decade ago, in the end of the 1990's.
Times were different then. For starters, I was an anarchist, well ... more of a socialist, well ... more of a drunken mess with zero sex appeal who slept and pooped in campus libraries. By the way that preference was because 10 years ago I lived in subterranean warrens/holes known as basement suites. Sure the phrase "basement suite" sounds sweet, but its sweet like a candy apple filled with snake blood. Back then I had an exclamation I would use when the pressure of living among the worms, spiders, and C.H.U.D.s got to me, "Suite Jesus!"
But, I was pretty awesome back then. I used to skateboard, smoke, drink, make awesome jokes, dye my hair black. I wasn't bad looking either so your girlfriend probably secretly wanted me. But she couldn't have me, because a lot of the time I was drunk and unconscious, and that would be rape, you sicko.
Anyway ... what else? In the 90's the internet was different. It was only used by heavyset men with ponytails and very skinny men who would wear baseball hats that were obviously promotional giveaways, such as from their uncle's golf store. So those of us who were that lame used the internet to exchange pornography, instructions on how to build potato guns from household items, share music and movie reviews, but not share the actual movies or music, and then some other crap I don't remember.
What else? Oh yeah, back before the year 2000 you could not buy a hybrid car. Also, back then I'm sure several thousand species had yet to be extinct. But are now, extinct. But don't be too sad though, those species were probably a bunch of uggo's anyway.
Since the year 2000 I have learned a thing or two. Like how to drive a standard transmission, and that mussels and clams aren't the same thing (a bivalve). I learned how to order an entree at a restaurant without ordering the same thing I always order at every other restaurant. And I don't mind saying that since back then, I've also learned a thing or two about the fairer sex, also know as women, ladies, chicks, girls, bitches, skanks, slunts.
For example I have learned that you need to be brave, and that getting shot down by a woman doesn't hurt for more than a second. Making a girl you just met laugh, and then go home with you, is basically 100 times better than anything else you can do in life. I learned that dating someone you work with can and often will start totally great, and typically ends with someone having a new job.
Some general lessons I learned are that when women who read books see a man like me reading a book, they are impressed. But when an illiterate woman sees you reading a book they assume you're gay. To be fair, I do come off as gay with a book though. Its because of where I choose to read them. I work downtown, so almost every day I take a book with me to the nearby food court in a downtown mall, and read during my lunch hour while I'm eating Taco Time or Bulgoki or a Big Mac or whatever.
On that note, last week while I was at the food court eating lunch and reading my book I saw a young woman, good looking, eating her lunch and reading Ulysses by James Joyce. I was stoked. Seeing an attractive literate woman in downtown Edmonton is as likely as seeing a fucking leprechaun. Most of what passes for human beings in downtown Edmonton don't carry books with them. If the ignoramuses see you with a rectangular object that isn't a phone or a large rock they have no basis of comparison.
I'm a little off topic, I was starting to get into all of the sexist things that I have learned through experience. I learned that educated women who remain single into their 30's become socially awkward and brittle. This change is something they attribute 100% to society's reactions to them changing, but its actually because they are becoming paranoid and neurotic. I have learned that intelligent women rank rationality and negative consequences on a lower rung on the ladder of importance than their own tempermental intuition. But I also learned that dumb women aren't able to organize things into a ladder of importance in the first place.
But not everything I've learned is misogynistic. For example, I have spent the decade learning how to pretend to listen to women while I waited for the opportunity to deliver a hilarious punchline. If that isn't the definition of generous I don't know what is.
The last decade has taught me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, except for everywhere in the entire world. Because in the world, people will do next to anything for beautiful people, and those beautiful people all look almost exactly the same. That somewhat undermines the "in the whole eye of the beholder" part of the original statement as well. I'd be lying if I said I was above being so shallow myself, although I don't think I am nearly as pathetic as most men. You have to understand that to me all women are beautiful in some way. It's really their personality that ruins it for me.
Also, since the last 10 years, most of my friends have become married and had some kids. That path is going along the same lines toward the oblivions as the uggo's which I had mentioned far earlier. I have avoided that particular trap by being un-dateable, which is working out so far. But you know what? I have to admit I am feeling the urge to settle down with a first wife at some point in the next few years. And I have to accept that the same as all things and fine wines, I'm getting older. And that means this me, myself as this gorgeous creature can't stay this way forever.
But the last 10 years has also taught me some valuable wisdom about that too.
Nothing is absolutely perfect. Even something that looks completely perfect, such as Kate Bosworth in the sports movie Blue Crush has some imperfections, and nothing can be 100% perfect. But you know it's not that ass though! Am I right fellas!
Nothing is perfect, and although things may have imperfections, you have to accept Kate Bosworth even though she isn't perfect. Sure that sounds hard, like her perfect ass, but it is hard, as in difficult. But we have to do this difficult kind of thing every day.
For instance, I accept that any given member of the human race that you pick at random is about, lets say, 2-3% perfect. 97% of your typical human being is a collapsing colony of genetically retrograde organs and behaviours that are revolting and pitiful. Look around you, stupid chinless wide loads, struggling their way off in every direction. Not a pretty picture.
If you are one of the human race whose skin and bone structure are closer to perfection, like me, chances are you either haven't got or won't develop any character much better than a reptile. If you're attractive and also lucky enough to be intelligent, you could at least develop into a nice reptile, like a talking dragon in a kids movie. But the bottom line is all good looking people are cold blooded. If you don't think so, I don't know where you've been living.
But anyway, to get back to my point, I am talking about perfection. Interestingly, although the rule that nothing is perfect is true, the opposite of the nothing is perfect rule isn't true. It is possible for something to 100% imperfect. There are things that can have absolutely nothing good about them at all whatsoever. I bet you're wondering what I'm going to put on that list. Will it be Rush Limbaugh? TMZ? Ed Hardy? You? Sure, those things go on there, but it doesn't end there. There are numerous other separate horrors that can not be named in the time I have allotted for listing.
I guess what I'm saying is that in the last decade I have mostly learned that nothing is perfect. You might be thinking it shouldn't take 10 years to learn that. So if that's what your thinking, yay you.