What's new? I have been shopping for a turntable. I like records, or as record homo's call them, vinyl. I like to call them platters. Vinyl made a big comeback with the addition of DJ's to all forms of music, and soon everyone wanted to be a DJ. Are you an R&B band? you need a DJ. Are you a pop star? you need a DJ. Are you a nu metal band? DJ for you. Are you a Hip Hop House mix? You need 7 DJ's, battling! Eventually even country music stars will have DJ's. On that day I will have to suppress the urge to buy a cowboy hat and throw it up in the air and shoot it with a six gun, then use that six gun on myself.
The market for vinyl existed even before all this scratching was going on. Indie and non-major label bands release albums on cd and on vinyl, I have been told this is actually a pretty cheep way to sell music. So indie music fans would buy records. They weren't the only ones, because of the rare and collectible nature of platters collectors also bought them. The anal fun of building a record collection attracts compulsive gaywads to platters like inbreds to a rodeo and I am just such a gaywad. Unfortunately I'm also insanely lazy and have bad taste so my entire record collection consists of 5 records, one of which is The Hell Brains. They sound like a swedish Motorhead, but I was hoping they would sound like a mexican Ramones. Gabba Gabba Hey.
I had a friend who worked at a&b sound. She was ostensibly going to hook me up but there was a time constraint since she was quitting. Due to my typhoon of a schedule and with my assistant off for 2 weeks I didn't get a chance to purchase a discount turntable before she gave them her christmas notice. So my connection at a&b dried up and now I have to rely on other means. My friend and sporadic writer Brodie Bruce suggested checking pawn shops since people hock a lot of that kind of stuff and I might pick one up for a bargain.
So me and a friend took a ride to the pawn shop district to look for turntables. Pawn shops have a weird quality, I think its the opportunism of them, the owners are a lot like vultures. Someone's financial life is draining away quick and they unload their TV or camcorder or whatever to buy Huggies or Golden Wedding and these guys buy their possession for nothing and resell it. I don't think its unethical, but I suspect most people would feel a stain building on their soul if they spent every day capitalizing on other peoples bad choices and misery. The vulture comparison fits pretty well. The native indian american red skins believe that people have an animal totem which is equal to their true nature. The totem animal of pawn shop owners is vulture or jackal. I think my totem animal is a pillow with marshmallow filling.
I think there is an instinct in people to protect the vulnureable losers unable defend themselves. Its that instinct that is the foundation of families and communities, but unfortunately also doormats and martyrs. There is a competing instinct to take advantage of the vulnureable which is the foundation of predatory fuckheads and general assholes. Between those 2 jagged icebergs is where you want to paddle your canoe. I rattle around somewhere between cub mother and car salesman. I'm not exactly the guy who gives until it hurts, but I don't hurt anyone either. That's because I'm too nice, but that's okay. Being nice is a sneaky way of illustrating to other people that there is always a way to take the high road. It worked for gandhi, what an asshole.
As it happened most of the turntables we saw were super old or crummy and probably broken. I could buy one of those for like $20, but then I would have to spend a month trying to find a needle that would probably cost more than a good new turntable.
Walking around pawn shops is interesting because you can see what sort of stuff people consider ornamental in times of a crisis. Things like cameras, electronics, jewelry and so on. What was absolutely hilarious was that there was this one pawn shop that had tons of swords and knives and throwing stars. It was kind of like in a movie where a guy pulls on a statue head and a wall slides open to reveal a bunch of weapons, only the weapons are junk. I was very excited. There were tons of knives with crazy blades and totally unmanageable handles, swords and even ninja and samurai swords. In my opinion knives and swords are an impractical purchase but who am I to say.
Apparently ninjas and many other warriors are having a hard time these days and must pawn the precise weapons of their ancient disciplines to pay the dojo bills. I assume there must not be much work for these elegant silent assassins.
Judging by the numbers, guitar player is also bad choice for a lucrative career. Since all musicians are inherently lazy and shady it comes as no surprise that some have to pawn their guitars. It's possible that a guitar was pawned by someone who could have been the next Jimminy Hendrix, but now we'll never know.
I never found a turntable. The search continues...