Plans for the summer
Well summer is here now, which is good news if you're the kind of person who doesn't turn to dust when exposed to direct sunlight. Since I'm not summer doesn't mean that much to me. Actually that's not true, though at one time it used to be true. I used to avoid sunlight for several reasons, some direct and some indirect. The main reason was that the sun was usually visible between the hours of 8 am and 8 pm, which was precisely the time I was sleeping off my hangover. Which as it happens was every single day. I also didn't like the way my hair and face looked in the sun, or at any particular light level other than dimly lit barroom.
Well those days are behind me now because today I prefer to drink in daylight since then its easier to find the nearest hospital when my stomach explodes. Its a long story.
Anyway, what's going on this summer? Are you planning a trip anywhere? are you falling in love with anybody? Are you finally going to follow through on those idle threats you made to burn down a police station? I hope not.
If you're summer plans are looking kind of weak and you are looking for something to do this summer I have compiled a list of possible things to pass the hot days and heatful knights. Note: although most of these plans could be carried out by anybody, a few of them would be gender specific to men, and to be even more accurate, they probably apply best to specifically me. These ones would be numbers 5, 11.
What to do with your summer:
1. Waste it away doing absolutely nothing interesting, seriously, it's what is bound to happen anyway. I mean this is actually you that we're talking about.
2. Invite friends over for a barbeque, then jump off the roof of the garage onto them when they aren't looking.
3. Find a way to get out of the relationship you entered into too hastily in October to ride out the cold winter months.
4. Stop Dr. Claw from stealing the city's valuables with the
molecularizer gun invented by his henchman Dr. Spectrum. Penny and Brain
the dog may
provide some useful assistance.
5. Fly to Paris with girlfriend, eat romantic diner on champs elysee, then
jet off to the Carribean and go reef diving and then sip rum together on an endless white beach
that slopes into crystal blue waters seemingly poured by god's own perfect hand.
Do all this in your imagination since you got no money, no girl and no prospects.
6. Work up the nerve to ask your big shot neighbor how come he thinks he's so great just
because he owns that nice new gas station.
7. Rejoin the circus family you were born into, travel the country, remember why you left circus, join the carnival instead where you
aren't "too real" for everybody.
8. Finally lose virginity, find genital herpes
9. Teach dog and cat how to use toilet.
10. Take down christmas tree.
11. Turn gay and get down with some super hot man meat, but only just for the
summer. In the fall its totally back to chicks ... for sure.
12. Figure out what those all those police cars and fire trucks that showed
up in your front yard are doing there.
13. Get arm back from alligator.
14. Have a seance and summon spirit of Terry Schaivo, ask her if she plans to get
even.
15. Do a little background work on the cult you gave all your money to.
16. Switch from regular coffee to Sanka, then see what happens.
So anyway that's my list of planes for the summer, I mean plans for the summer. And now here are some planes for the summer!
